Where to begin.Well, for starters Dylan is gone. I think the pregnancy is making me more emotional than I thought I would be about his leaving, topped by picking up and leaving our house to come to Georgia. I am so so grateful that I'm in a position that I can be near friends and family, but it's still hard to leave our home. I felt like this process was broken up into two chapters or stages; first was his leaving, and second was mine. Both were obviously emotional and as each stage occurred, the finality that he's really gone sank in more and more.
I know that God has a plan for us during this deployment so I'm trying not to worry or stress over the future (ie. If Dylan will be back for the birth, etc...). I've been trying to find the positives anywhere I can. The other night I was laying in bed feeling Layla kick around like crazy and was reminded of how blessed we are! Dylan had set up an email account for her so that we can record our thoughts and prayers for her during this time, and as I'm tearfully writing a "letter" to our baby girl about how great her Daddy is, I start to get texts from Dylan that all is well. Technology, gotta love it!
So, all in all, I know we will be okay. The transition is a little rocky, I still have my knife-to-the-chest moments, but it will continue to smooth out. It's all about staying positive and finding my "new normal" while he is gone.
Now for Layla Blaine's update:
First things first, she is definitely a GIRL!
Whew, no returns have to be made after all...
Most importantly, she is healthy! We had her growth & anatomy ultrasound which I was so happy Dylan was able to be at. The ultrasound was fairly long, I'd say 15-20 minutes and it was so fun getting to watch her while the tech found all her little body parts and organs. She even had hiccups at one point which was so cute. She has all 10 fingers, 10 toes (well, we say that..she definitely has both big toes..the rest are still webbed at this point but we could count all 10 little bumps). Getting the pictures of her hands was a battle. She still keeps one arm up by her head just like she did at the 15 week ultrasound. We got a clear image of one of her hands but she was being a pill about letting us see the other hand. I think she was tired of being pushed on and messed with. Eventually she gave up and practically high fived a clear shot of her open palm, pretty much saying HERE! HAPPY?
I don't know if I ever stopped smiling the entire ultrasound. I loved getting to watch her wiggle and flip around, and I just laughed imagining her getting so ticked that we were interrupting her in there. It was amazing to see her heart (all 4 chambers, thank God) and so many tiny details of our sweet baby. It still amazes me that my body is capable of creating a healthy little being.
I know people always say, "babies are such miracles" but until you're growing one inside of you, you don't really understand what they mean by that. There is so much that could go wrong, big or small, and it's just amazing to hear that so far our little girl is doing great. My blood work for neural defects came back clear so that was another huge relief. I'm truly grateful. I don't take a single day for granted, or fail to appreciate that we have been able to enjoy this pregnancy without major complications. So I'll say it again, I know God has a plan for us and for our baby.
With that said, I'm trying to wake up every day with positive thoughts. Everyone is dealing with their own struggle, mine just happens to be this deployment. I'm sure if everyone threw their problems into a basket, I'd grab mine back first. At least I know there is an end to every deployment, blue skies ahead, however you want to look at it.
Looking forward to all that lies ahead...
xoxo
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