5 months.

So... Layla turned 5 months old yesterday! She celebrated by reaching stage 5 clinger status ALL. DAY. But, that's okay...she just loves her mamma! 

I can't believe she is already 5 months old. Okay, part of me totally believes it..there are days I feel it. I realize I really haven't had a decent night sleep in months. Sometimes I think back to when she was a newborn and I have a hard time remembering how on Earth I thought it was so stressful. I can tell it's been 5 months because I'm actually getting to the break in the clouds where I can entertain the idea of having another (in the very distant future). 

Layla is full of life. She is go-go-go all day every day! There are times I wish she would just lay with me. I'll think aren't you still an infant? Don't you just want to cuddle with your mommy? Then she will kick and fuss, pull my hair & complain when I try. There is a whole world around her that she is growing increasingly aware of and she's ready to figure it all out. Sometimes after she nurses she will sit with me a few minutes & I already find myself trying to soak those moments in. She's still a baby but I have a feeling the rest of this first year will fly by & our quiet moments together will grow to be maybe not less, but different. 

I guess everyone thinks their baby is smart or "gifted"..a special snowflake if you will. While I won't go full on snowflake status, Dylan and I feel like Layla is keenly aware of everything around her. She's quick to catch on to things & she's quickly realizing the power of her actions. I'm realizing we are approaching the age where she's learning actions=reactions. She's learning hey if I fuss enough, they will pick me up. I feel like we are walking that fine line of, well she's still a young baby and okay, are we raising a spoiled baby? I spoil my dogs so the chances of Layla coming out any less spoiled than her 4 legged siblings are slim. 

I feel like I'm learning what kind of parent I am day by day. I walk the line of attachment parenting and..non attachment for lack of a better term. We don't co-sleep (although sometimes I wish we did just for ease sake) but I do wear her around the house & when we are out and about. We did a very mild version of sleep training but only out of necessity for all of our sake. She still wakes several times during the night but I am not planning to night wean...yet. I struggle to find the balance of teaching her to become independent as she grows and also making sure she knows comfort and security from her dad and I. 

As for me, I can honestly say it's taken me to this point to really feel like I'm finding a balance. Being a mom is hard & it truly flips your life upside down having a baby. It's taken me a long time to feel comfortable in trusting myself. I didn't trust myself in the beginning to make the right choices. I second guessed everything & trusted internet advice over my own intuition. Breastfeeding was probably the biggest stressor in our early months and although it was an incredibly rocky road, I am so thrilled that I stuck it out. I have never {ever} worked for something so hard in my life. My nursing relationship almost ended at 3 months which I thought I was okay with and learned that I wasn't. Now here we are at 5 months & going strong. My original goal when things were tough was to make it to 6 months. I will assess where we are in a month from now, but if things are continuing smoothly I don't think I will be emotionally ready to wean. When I do decide to wean, I plan on making a post about our experience. It's not something I'm facing at the moment but even so, I already get emotional thinking of when the times comes. 

Being a mom has surprised me in so many ways. The lengths I'm willing to go for my daughter is how I assume every mommy feels about her child. I am physically exhausted at the end of every day, there are things from my pre-child life that I miss, I haven't slept through the night in months, but I wouldn't trade my job as Layla's mom for anything. There are days I wish I had taken more vacations, did more day drinking, and relished in my childless life a little more..but I can't imagine my life without her now. Some nights Dylan and I just look at each other, both exhausted from our very different job titles & go to bed with a half-hearted kiss goodnight. Sometimes I think we're both thinking the same things...but we know we are blessed with a healthy, happy, smart precious baby girl. 

Mamma loves you LBG.

xo-

Must Haves for the past 4 months.

Tula ergonomic baby carrier// My friend (Marine wife & mommy of 2) suggested I buy a Tula. I knew she loved hers, however I had purchased the Moby & K'tan wraps so I figured I was set. The wraps were great while around the house when Layla was itty bitty, however I quickly realized they weren't all that practical for getting out and about with her. Layla was reaching the point of no longer sleeping in her carseat during errands so we decided to invest in a Tula. Flash forward to today, and we don't leave home without it! Putting Layla in the Tula is the only way we can get through grocery trips as she almost always falls asleep for what we call a "Tula nap". Whenever Layla fights going to sleep in her crib or it's later in the day and she's just crabby, we usually can put her in the Tula and she either calms down or dozes off for a quick catnap (& sometimes naps longer than she would in her crib).


Once I entered the "Tula love" world, I realized how obsessed other Tula owners are & now so am I!



You can also use a Tula from newborn till toddler+ so they are well worth the investment. Plus, they are SUPER cute & makes nursing in public easy! I never knew how into baby wearing I would be until now! I love it!






California Baby Natural & Organic Skincare // We love the diaper rash cream (luckily we've only had one diaper rash in the past 4 months!) plus it's cloth diaper safe. For baths we love the calming wash & we follow with either the Calming lotion or the Calendula Everyday lotion! I love these products because they are natural, vegan, and great for sensitive skin. They are a little more costly (I tried to register for as much as I could!) and so far we have lasted on what we received as gifts, woo hoo!


Dr Browns Microwave Sterilizer// This is so easy and quick to use! Wash all bottles/pump parts & microwave for 5 minutes. Done and Done.


Babyganics Dish & Bottle Soap// We love this soap! Plant based cleaning agents that make me feel comfortable and confident washing all of her bottles & pump parts with it. I typically grab a big glass bowl, pump a few pumps of the soap, throw in all the bottle/pump parts and fill with hot water. Let all soak for a while + rinse + pop in the Dr. Browns sterilizer.

Boon Lawn Drying Rack// Boon makes the Grass & Lawn drying racks. My vote is for the lawn. I pump 1x/day and only use 1 bottle/day typically and the lawn still gets filled quickly.

Mommys Bliss Gripe Water// Miracle in a bottle, y'all. Layla is a super gassy baby & this stuff works wonders. I like it as a natural alternative to gas drops & it offers fast relief! We've always given half of the recommended dose to start with and typically that's all it takes. We will give for hiccups too and they stop almost immediately after just a few drops. Layla seems to love the taste, she basically sucks it straight out of the dropper.

The Honest Co. Diapers// Ever since Layla hit 4 months we've gone to cloth diapers during the day but we still put her in a disposable for overnight & in her diaper bag for while we are out. They are really, really absorbent and never have that weird diaper smell to them once they are wet. Plus, they are cute! (Even though no one really sees them, ha!)

Lamaze Buggy Foot Finders// Layla is obsessed with her feet right now. These buggy feet finders keep her occupied for a good 10-15 minutes, usually long enough for me to hop in the shower! I keep her swing right outside of the bathroom door, pop her in & put these feet finders on & I don't hear a peep from her. Love them!

Sassy Bounce Around// Layla has to be busy ALL. THE.TIME. It wears me out! She has started to get bored in her Mamaroo or having blanket time for too long. I need some hands free time so I figured she would love a bouncer/exersaucer. It keeps her upright & she is surrounded by toys which keeps her occupied long enough for me to make lunch/empty the dishwasher/clean pump parts, etc. I shopped around online for different bouncers & decided on the Sassy ' Inspire the Senses' Bounce Around because I really wanted something she could grow with & I loved that it was pretty gender neutral. We've only had it for 2 days but she seems to love it so far!

Zipadeezip// Once Layla hit 3.5/4 months we kind of knew it was time to transition from the Swaddlepods. She was becoming a master at getting her arm out at the bottom & I was frustrated. We also knew sleep training was in our near future & I wanted her to have access to her hands so that she could attempt to self-soothe before we started. The birth club on Babycenter had a ton of moms dealing with the same issue & so many moms were raving about the Zipadeezip! I was terrified of trying to put her to sleep without a swaddle so I decided to give the Zippy a try. She loves it! The website describes how/why the Zippy works for transitioning from swaddling. Layla was in the midst of the '4 month sleep regression' so she wasn't sleeping great in the swaddle & wasn't sleeping any worse in the Zippy so, at the time I considered that a success. Flash forward to now, we are still loving it! In the swaddlepods, she would scream the second that she woke from naps & in the morning. Now I will watch her on the monitor rolling around & sucking her hands, sometimes for a good 10 minutes before I hear her fuss. I feel like the zippy helped her to adjust to her crib even more than before. Now that we are sleep training, we zip her up in the Zippy, turn on white noise, pat her butt for a minute or 2 & (if we timed it right) she's out like a light. Sometimes she will fuss a few minutes but then she will roll around until she's asleep.  If you're looking for an option to ditch the swaddle without going cold turkey, I would recommend this for sure! Plus, shipping was super fast!

Side note: The Zippy must be really popular right now & the prints available are limited. I settled for 'yeehaw cowgirl' (ha!) but if you're patient they have some really cute prints!

Layla's birth story (...and it only took me 4 months!)

I've sat down to write Layla's birth story a dozen times, always getting wrapped up in details & then, of course, I run out of time! So lets try this again...

My due date with Layla was February 25th & just like clock work, action started happening on that date. TMI, but I had my 'bloody show' (grossest term ever) and started having mild contractions. I thought to myself, how crazy if this baby came right on schedule! That night I noticed bright red blood & having never had a baby before, panicked. We decided to head to L&D just to make sure all was okay. We sat in the L&D triage room for 4 hours while I was monitored. I arrived at 1cm, walked the halls for a while, and after 4 hours was still only at 1cm. So home we went..

40 weeks

Next night, round 2. My contractions increased in strength and consistency throughout the day. My mom drove up from Atlanta as we figured surely Layla would be coming soon enough. Repeat of the night before, threw all of our bags in the car & headed to triage. I arrived at 3 cm and spent the next 4 hours gritting my teeth through major contractions. I wanted to walk around so that I could try and progress a little more so that I could stay, I wasn't allowed. I was miserable. I couldn't imagine being sent home in the level of pain I was in. I wanted to punch the doctor in the face when he sent me home. I cried. I cried a lot. I was going on 2 days of contractions and I couldn't imagine continuing much longer without some relief. I knew I had an OB appointment already scheduled for the next day and I began plotting how I would beg & plead for a c-section. I never wanted a c-section but at that point, I just wanted to have this baby.

I got ZERO sleep that night. I contracted all night long & by the morning I was in tears, begging Dylan to see if my OB could see me ASAP that morning. I could barely walk & had reached the point of being unable to talk through my contractions. I just remember kneeling against the couch with my head buried in the cushions wondering how I would even sit in the waiting room at the OB office. Again, I was ready to get there and beg for a c-section...anything!

Luckily, my midwife could see me practically first thing. I miraculously made it through waiting in the waiting room & slowly waddled my way back to the room. She came in and offered to check me, said we could strip my membranes to help me progress. I knew this would only increase the intensity of my contractions which scared the hell out of me, but I was up for anything. I laid back, praying I had progressed at least a little bit from the 3cm the night before. Then, I'm pretty sure I heard the most amazing news of all time as she said, "girlfriend..you are in LABOR. You're 6cm and if I strip your membranes you're not going to make it to the hospital in time...". THANK YOU SWEET JESUS. Finally, I knew it was time. She told me she would call the hospital and they would be waiting for me. All I could think of was, oh epidural..I am coming for you!

We arrived in our L&D room around 10 am. What seemed like an eternity later, I was able to get my epidural at 7cm. Ladies...if you're wondering whether or not you should get an epidural, stop the insanity. Get the epidural. GET IT. You won't be sorry. The relief I felt after almost 3 days of nonstop contracting was amazing. Women aren't kidding when they say that they want to kiss the anesthesiologist.

My mom had made it to the room & once I was comfortable Dylan decided to go grab lunch for himself (while I scarfed down Jello...I hate Jello, but I was starving). Dylan had been gone about 30 minutes or so when I felt like the epidural was sort of fading on one side. I clicked the "give me more juice" button, shifted sides..still felt discomfort so I asked the nurse if this was normal. She kind of got a strange look on her face and said she should check me. She quickly said, "So when is your husband getting back?". I had quickly dilated to 10cm and it was baby time! Luckily, right as she checked me Dylan walked through the door. Looked like lunch would just have to wait..

My water broke when the nurse checked me & there was meconium in my water. No one seemed especially concerned and as neurotic as I am, I wasn't either. The "suction" team came in so that Layla could be suctioned out once she was born. This probably should have freaked me out but I think I was so overwhelmed with how quickly things were going, I didn't really have time.

Giving birth was such an amazing blur. I remember all of it, but I felt like it was over before it began. It was very calm & pain free. I would literally give birth 10x over, it was the contractions that were the worst. I think I pushed about 20-30 minutes, but it felt like 10 minutes. I couldn't feel my contractions so it was up to the nurse to tell me when to push. I literally felt nothing (thank you anesthesia miracle worker!).

Layla was born at 4:09pm at 7lbs 5oz. She came out screaming! There was no need to suction her at all, she was perfectly pink and alert. I remember opening my eyes from pushing and looking at this perfect baby that I had waited to meet for 10 months. I was so blessed!

They were able to lay her on my chest immediately and it was the most amazing moment of my life. I couldn't believe she was here! None of the pain from the previous days mattered.

My mom & Dylan were there watching as we watched Layla open her eyes for the first time. A few slow blinks & her eyes locked onto mine. Best moment of my life. She gripped her daddy's finger immediately & he was a goner. Our lives were forever changed in those first few moments.

I have never for a moment taken for granted how lucky and blessed we are to have such a healthy, alert baby at birth. I was officially a mommy, and this was confirmed when she pooped on me as she laid on my chest. Haha. Nothing says welcome to mommyhood like poop. And so it begins...

So there..I finally wrote it. Whew.

4 months.

Is my little girl seriously already 4 months old? I hate that I am slacking with updating my blog as much as I originally planned to. I honestly never realized that my entire day would be so consumed with our crazy, active baby girl.

Layla is doing amazingly well. She is so smart and funny, I can't imagine how much more her personality will grow as time goes on. She is a peanut. At her 4 month wellness appointment, she is in the 90th percentile for height and the 10th percentile for weight. In the past, I would be stressed over her slow weight gain but believe it or not, this neurotic mamma has learned to roll with it. She is happy, healthy, and meeting all of her milestones right on time. Her pediatrician showed no concern with her growth so therefore, I'm not either! She's not a big baby and probably won't be a big person in general.

I'm most excited that for the past few weeks we have had no use for formula! As happy as I am about that, I am even more thrilled with how less stressful nursing has become. I was making myself stressed, I was complicating the whole process, and when I learned to 'just let it go' everything fell into place.

As of yesterday, my awesome midwife Mandy gave me a prescription for Reglan. I've spent so much money and exhausted every herbal supplement/natural attempt at increasing my supply. Fenugreek made Layla extremely gassy & also can affect thyroid levels (I have hypothyroidism) so that was out. I spent $40 on a bottle of Goats Rue only for it to make Layla gassy as well (I think it may have helped slightly but not worth the gas!). A few days ago I purchased a huge bottle of Brewers Yeast capsules. I'm continuing with them as well as the Reglan. I was told with the Reglan I should see a small increase within 48 hours and should note my supply doubling by day 5. Fingers crossed!

Our biggest hurdle as of now is SLEEP TRAINING! Ugh, I wanted to avoid it. I'm a sucker and can't stand to hear Layla cry. However, the dreaded "four month sleep regression" hit us and it hit hard. Like, up every 2 hours each night hard. 30 minute naps hard. Exhausted mamma and exhausted baby hard. No bueno. I was going to try and ride it out, but once Layla was becoming obviously chronically tired I knew we had to bite the bullet. Crappy naps = crappy night sleep, and the vicious cycle continued. I felt my sanity slipping through my hands. So, we are in Day 4 of our training and so far, we've seen improvement each day. Her naps are extending to at least 45 minutes (the length of a sleep cycle), she is learning to fall asleep on her own, and she's back to only waking 2x/night. The pediatrician said she is capable of going all night without feedings, however I feel like it's okay for her to eat right now. Like I said, she's a peanut..she weighs 12 pounds & if she's hungry I want to feed her.

Even as I type this, Layla has been napping for an hour. This may not sound like much to you but if you've lived the short-nap-hell we've experienced for what seems like forever, this is epic.

On another note, I decided once she hit 4 months we would start with cloth diapers full time. We were spending so much money on disposables and I knew I needed to just pick a date and go for it. So far, so good. Her legs are finally chunky enough so that we don't have leaks. We put her in an Honest Co. disposable diaper at night because those suckers are super absorbent! We love Honest Co. products. They are pricey for diapers but if we are mostly using cloth, it's not too often we have to buy them.

And just like that, she's awake!

Until the next long nap...

xoxo