It's finally appointment day! I look forward to these appointments all month because they remind me how amazing and exciting this is and how blessed we are to be parents-to-be.
I've wanted to share a little about our journey to becoming pregnant. I've rolled the idea over and over in my head, whether or not it's too personal or something I would like to keep private. However, I think it's really important to share that we did go through a small journey, and every path to pregnancy is different.
To start off, I do believe that everything is in God's perfect timing. I believe that we can try our best to achieve what we want in life, and I also believe that science & medicine can play a vital role in starting a family. Ultimately, however it happens or whichever path we take, I really don't think it's all on our shoulders.
Dylan and I decided a time that we would like to start trying for a baby. It was really exciting. I think women daydream of babies years before they become an actuality, so for us to both commit to starting a family was huge. At the time, we had been married for close to four years & it felt like the right time. I think it was helpful that we were able to be proactive in our decision because we were able to meet with a great OBGYN and find out everything we needed to know health wise. We had tests run for the both of us to screen for genetic carriers of certain diseases & I received a slew of vaccines to ensure I was "ready". The doctor started me on prenatals and I took those things like it was my job.
Months went by with no luck. It's a funny thing, because growing up you think and are taught sex=pregnancy. I started getting worried because I thought for sure something was wrong with me. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome a few years ago, but no doctor has ever been too concerned with it. I was never really "treated" and all I ever heard (and still do) is, "you don't look like someone with PCOS."
Ok...thanks? I think?
Around April/May time frame my doctor wanted me to have an
HSG test. If you don't feel like reading, it's basically a big name for a procedure where they check to see if your fallopian tubes are blocked. Turns out, one of mine was.
Perfect. Talk about a knife to the chest. I had already worked myself up about having something wrong with me, and now here was the proof. I literally started feeling like pregnancy was so far off for us. It didn't help that at the time, we were living in Florida while Dylan was in EOD school. I had no choice but to go to the hospital on the Air Force base. I received the most impersonal, impossible doctor-to-patient contact there. I had no direct line to the doctor & I often had to leave messages with unit secretaries and cross my fingers I'd get a call back from
anyone. Not the best way to feel when I was feeling helpless as is.
Anyways, pity party for Victoria. We were moving back to North Carolina at the time I found out and I would just have to wait until we got established to start with a new doctor and find out what my options were.
I made an appointment immediately once we were moved in and settled. I met with a really fast talking/fast paced gyno who spent 2 minutes with me and immediately put me on Chlomid. Typically, I would hate a doctor like that but this was the one time I didn't mind being on the fast track. If she was going to jump on board with fertility help then that was perfect. She said we would try 4 rounds (months) on Chlomid and if no luck, she would refer me to a specialist.
To make a long story of multiple appointments (literally, the nurse joked we should put me on the payroll if I was going to be there so much) short, Dylan and I did all we could do and I've never prayed harder in my life. Every day I told Dylan to say a little prayer, and he always said, "I already did". The doctor and ultrasound tech seemed really positive and hopeful, and when I left my last appointment the gyno said, "cross your fingers that this is it!".
The "two week wait" felt like forever. It was crazy to think that I could be pregnant, but I might not be. Literally, all we could do was try and remain positive. Dylan always says, "positive vibes, positive attitude". I'm usually all about sending positivity out to the universe, but this was one time I really felt out of control. I knew that Dylan was deploying in the near future so we literally only had the 4 month window I was given if we wanted to get pregnant before he left.
After 2 weeks, I went in for the blood test to see whether or not it had worked. I tried staying rational(
ish). The tech said they would call me the next day.
No call. I figured it must be negative because surely they would have called if it was positive. I worked up the nerve to call the following day just to make sure. I had to leave a message, but the nurse called me back pretty soon after. I remember being so nervous to answer because I felt like our future swung in the balance.
I didn't want to have to go through all of these appointments and waiting again. In my mind I literally sounded like a pouty five year old, but I
really wanted it to have worked. I had a gut feeling that it did, I had quit drinking my wine (gasp!) and coffee 2 weeks prior just in case. I had read of people getting pregnant with their first round, but I had also read of people on their 6th, 7th, 8th round.
Nooooo.
"It's positive, my dear! You need to make an appointment with the new OB nurse".
WHAT!
I could and couldn't believe it all at the same time. This lady just made my
life and delivered the news so calmly. My first reaction was to thank God. I had never prayed more for anything in my entire life and I felt like He just granted me the biggest gift. He allowed us to get pregnant with our first month. We were the lucky percentile.
Amazing.
So fast forward to now, I'm 12 weeks and going to hear (and possibly) see our baby today. I would love to see him/her.
My reason for sharing this long, long (
sorry), long story is because I feel like it could give someone a little bit of hope. Getting pregnant isn't always just a choice, sometimes it's a journey and that's okay.
It's easy for me to say now, but I literally thank God every night for this baby. I never take a day for granted that I get to carry this miracle. Sometimes I think we have to struggle in order to appreciate what we are given. Wanting to have a family and not getting it right away can be so disheartening. While we were trying, I felt like everyday I saw someone new announcing they were pregnant, and a part of me was bitter. A part of me always felt like I "deserved" it more or something.
We had been married longer, or,
they probably weren't even trying. Ugly thoughts, but a part of me couldn't help feeling like that.
So...that was our process, our path. We had to take what we were given and go with it, and ultimately it landed us right where we wanted to be. The stress & worry were all worth it, and in a way make me appreciate this gift even more (if that's even possible). Sometimes I feel selfish even talking about it, because there are women who have tried for years with no success, or who have spent life savings on IVF treatments that don't take. But, I have to remember that it's different for everyone and it's not really fair to compare one woman's journey to another. Ultimately we all want the same thing, and it's just a matter of when we are meant to be given this amazing gift.
Thanks for reading.
